My 3-Year-Old Son Used the “F” Word

The word is probably not what you are thinking, but nonetheless, it appalled me. Where did he learn to use the word “fat?”

I was watching a Discovery Health show about a 600-pound mom while my son was playing in the floor. He looked up at the television and said, “Wow. She’s really big. She’s fat.” Aack. My first reaction was to tell him, “Yes, she is big, but it’s not nice to say that someone is ‘fat’. It can hurt their feelings.”

I had been so very careful when raising my older daughter to never use that word when referring to anyone, and I scolded family members who did use the word in front of her. I never wanted her to judge anyone by their appearance or worry that someone may use that word to describe her appearance. People rarely use that word to describe someone they like, so it is not a word in our vocabulary.

So have I become more lax? Do I need to reinforce my expectations with caregivers and family who are with my kids? I was not ready to have this conversation with my son, but I guess it could have been worse.

My inquisitive boy began to ask more questions. “How did she get like that?”

“She ate too much food, and food that was not healthy for her,” I replied.

Then I was able to turn it into a conversation about what is healthy food.

“What types of food are good for you?” He said he thought Craisins, milk and nuts were good for him.

“What are types of bad food?” He said pizza and candy. Then he sat there a minute and asked, “Then why do you let me eat pizza?” Great, he turned it around on me.

“Well, I don’t let you eat pizza all the time, and I don’t let you eat a lot of it.” Thank goodness that was the end of the talk, but I know it will come up again. In fact, this morning he informed me that his current cereal of choice was not healthy. I have decided not to share it because I don’t know if I want anyone to know that I purchased it.

In the end, I am still sad that he learned what the word means and felt the need to use it. The good news, however, is that this was one more opportunity for us to talk about healthy eating, and I’m proud that my preschooler is thinking about it. I praise God every day that I was blessed with good eaters and we have no food allergies in my house. I also praise God that I am able to set good examples for them and provide the food they need.

But my mission is now to find the culprit who taught him that awful 3-letter word and give them a lecture about loving others and themselves.

What Does Healthy Look Like?

Today was the moment of truth. I gave myself until the end of the month to be able to complete 25 real push-ups simultaneously, AND I DID IT! My arms felt like they were going to fall off, but I did it, and I am so proud of myself. I am now wondering what my next little fitness goal should be – run the distance between the house and bus stop and back in under 8 minutes, or run two miles on the treadmill in 20 minutes or less. Honestly, I need to work on my flexibility – I’ve never been very flexible, and it seems to be getting worse as I age. So maybe I will try to fit yoga into my routine a couple days a week so I can touch my knees with my forehead.

This entire period of goal setting and exercising with the kids encouraged me to pose this question: What does “HEALTHY” look like? I know that I am medically “defined” as being overweight – 10 pounds shy of being at the high end of an optimum BMI – but does that mean that I am unhealthy? I am hoping not.

Instead of going by physical aptitude, physicians’ tests, and the like, most people today tend to dole out the “healthy” adjective to those that look a certain way. She will hate me for doing this, but the photo is of my little sister two years ago when she was competing in a Natural Physique Council bikini contest. Yep, she looks healthy to me! I could be envious and say that I was duped out of getting those good genes, but I know she worked really hard to look that way. She also has a degree in health and fitness and is a certified personal trainer. The interesting thing about her journey to that awesome body is that she said she would never tell a client to eat the way she did for good health. Food choices are very limited. She ate plenty, but her diet was not varied at all. And you should see what all the competitors ate the day of the competition…SUGAR, SUGAR, and more SUGAR.

It was not that long ago – it must have been before the rise of the supermodel – when somebody was referred to as “healthy” it meant they had some meat and fluff on their bones. Parents were worried if their kids were getting enough to eat, and having a little extra in the middle and on their cheeks was a sign of getting plenty. But where is the line between healthy and unhealthy? Can we really tell by “looking at a person?”

I try to remind myself on a regular basis when talking with my child that I need to focus on fitness and quality of diet - not what they look like or the numbers on the scale - but it has been a real struggle for me worrying about how they will be perceived by others.

I was shocked at my kid’s last checkup when my pediatrician called attention to my 3-year-old son’s numbers – he is in the 75th percentile for height and 85th for weight. “I don’t really worry about those things at this age, but we may look at it in the future,” she said. Really? LOOK AT HIM! He is solid as a rock and extremely healthy! So now I’m thinking all this number business needs to be thrown out the window as well. BMI, ideal weight, muscle mass, body fat percentage, waist to hip ratio? What is the real determination of “healthy?” We are unique individuals, and what is healthy for one, may not be healthy for another.

When I was in high school (late 80s/early 90s), I remember hearing a commercial on the radio for a weight loss product while I was riding with other students to a Quick Recall meet. The commercial was a conversation between two teenage girls who were making fun of another girl who weighed 150 pounds. I remember feeling like a complete loser, because I weighed about 160 at the time. “Do they think I weigh that much,” I fretted? “I’ll just have to lie if someone asks me how much I weigh.” And thus the reason why most men think any woman, who is “trim,” no matter how tall she is, weighs 120 pounds or less. WE’VE BEEN LIEING ABOUT OUR WEIGHTS FOR YEARS! I would be thrilled to be 150, or even 160 again, and I know I would look pretty darn good!

I always find myself comparing myself to the Biggest Loser contestants. "I weigh that much, and look nothing like that." "They must be much shorter than I am." "Honey, do I look like that?" Finally, I told myself to get over it. We have a wide-screen TV.

My new philosophy is that “healthy” is a feeling, and right now I’m feeling pretty healthy. Will it make me live longer? I don’t know, but at least I’ll be happier than if I was constantly worrying if my dress or pant size makes me an adequate human being. I hope to instill this in my kids as well.